The Husband Project by Kathi Lipp
My rating: 3 of 5 stars
I came across The Husband Project and thought what a fun idea. I've been struggling as a new wife to get out of my self and focus on him a little more.
The Husband Project is to stealthily do something for your husband every day for 21 days. It may take longer than 21 days because life doesn't always cooperate and that's ok. The somethings are not grand gestures, just something small. Like a post-it note in his lunch saying I love you. Like a fresh cup of his favorite coffee when he gets up in the morning or his favorite snack. Along with the small there are the bigger tasks. Do something together you used to do while dating. Cook his favorite meal. Eliminate a task that he hates doing.
The point is to not do these things/tasks looking for recognition. You aren't doing them so he'll notice. He may and that's wonderful, but he might not. I thought that if I could get through the 21 days without Frenchie getting suspicious that something was up, I was successful. My own personal goal. You definitely wouldn't want to tell your husband you're doing the project because then you're looking for recognition and he's looking to catch the nice things you're doing.
I read through the first couple chapters of this book and immediately posted on my bride forum inviting the other new wives to join me in my endeavor. A few loved the idea and a few others wondered why we needed a book to show our love to our husbands. Of course we don't need a book, but if you're like me, you sometimes get lazy and need some ideas. I dragged my sisters into this project as well and I loved hearing the reactions they got and the struggles they went through during the project. What lucky husbands we have!
I got the reaction "where is the wife project?" a couple of times. First off, can you really see a man doing this? Honestly? Secondly, here's my theory: You get what you give. I found through the duration of doing this that Frenchie started to reciprocate without even realizing it. I felt more in love doing things for him (I'm a giver by nature) than if I just focused on me or asked him for things.
It took me 4 weeks to complete all 21 projects. At the end I told Frenchie he was my experiment and asked him what he thought. Or better yet, if he even noticed. I explained what I had done and he had this light bulb moment.
"Oh! That's why the texts and the facebook statuses about me"
"Oh! That's why this or that"
He didn't really notice that it was a constant thing happening, but there were a few tasks he said he noticed more than some. Obviously those things meant more to him and judging by his Love Language it made sense.
One things I have learned from this project is that it doesn't take much to turn your thoughts to your husband and do one small thing a day for him. Life gets busy, and we focus on the kids, the dog, our job, ourselves and forget about that one person that loves us unconditionally. I've noticed that a few of the projects I did I've continued to do. I just needed a kick in the butt. I've also noticed that since telling Frenchie about my experiment, the things he started doing have also continued.
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