Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Stripped down

Today I went for my first interview since I lost my job. It didn't go well, but the first one rarely does. You learn from it and build from there.
I went in not knowing what the job was, I was called and said I'll be there. Mistake one was not asking what the role was. (not that it would have made a difference anyways) I was given a lot of very technical questions that I was unable to answer. I'm not sure if this is because they were wanted more than I had experience wise, or that I just suck at what I do. I'm not sure which, that's not the point.
Halfway through the interview I realized that the questions I didn't know the answers to were theory questions that most people in my field would know. What does this mean? Not much really, but it did throw a red flag in my brain. The only thing I could think of while in the interview was how much I didn't want the job. This isn't typically what you think. You're usually thinking "I hope I gave a good answer", "I hope they call me".
I came home and cried, not because the interview went badly, but what it means for me. It showed me that my current career path isn't the one I should be on. My passion is not where I thought it was. Here would be the stripped down part. I basically, in the matter of a few hours, stripped down my very professional identity to nothing. I took the first job I was offered out of university and let it fully define me as a person. The scary thought that has me in a ball of anxiety is that maybe that person isn't who I really am. I'm unsure who I can be, and that's the absolutely terrifying part. I feel like I'm starting over with little guidance.
I heard people say we should all ask ourselves "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I didn't know the answer to that question when I was kid, and I still don't have a clue where to begin answering it today. I'm a believer that no one really knows the answer, but at least they have an idea.