In Wednesday's class this week we looked at how to develop a life of prayer. We focused on meditation and sitting quietly to listen to God. I've never been any good at meditating. I dislike yoga. My nature is to feel music, to be active and meditating/yoga doesn't make me feel that way.
Our catechist for the evening wanted us to go through a meditation. It was supposed to be 20 minutes, but we ran out of time and did 14. Those were the longest 14 minutes I've ever sat through. Needless to say, I was trying very hard not to bolt about halfway through, and trying very hard not to burst into tears. It was excrutiating to sit there that long. When the 14 minutes were up I got up immediately and asked my friend sitting next to me to start talking about anything. Just talk. She started talking about her wedding and that helped a ton! I listened and felt better in a few minutes.
Needless to say, meditation is not for me. I realize that many people would say meditation will improve over time, but I'm a person that doesn't WANT to meditate. I don't feel this burning need to do it. It's not me. "Meditation will help improve your panic symptoms" "It will help reduce stress". Thanks but no thanks. Anything that causes me more stress and causes me to get closer to having another panic attack is not helpful. I don't need that in my life. I don't need to work through it. I have other ways to reduce stress that are much more enjoyable. I would rather put on a song and dance for the 14 minutes and feel better that way.